


the daisy oracle

by 020514 (jexngyxxnxh)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, HanahakiDiseaseAU, M/M, Pain, Sickness, slight angst (I think?)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-19 20:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14880362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jexngyxxnxh/pseuds/020514
Summary: Another hanahaki story that has been waiting for those who are seeking for sad ending and true love. And just like any other daisy oracle, Renjun’s daisy foretold that it will be “he loves me not…”





	1. Prologue

The warmth of morning sunlight fell, shone through to the dusty window making it shimmer. It is reflecting to several objects giving some glow; that every rays of brightness serves as paint, smudging some hint of gold, orange, and yellow color to the monochrome room. 

The sunlight dust that freely floats in the air, wrapping around his cold body. It is supposed to give a soothing, comforting feeling. But for Renjun, it is neither a comfort or console; it is a mockery for his pain. An indication of how stubborn he is, making himself now suffer to an unexplainable agony.

Everything is throbbing, everything is intolerable.

Renjun’s face is pale, fading its natural glow. Eyes sunken, flooded with tears that may ran down his cheeks any second. He can still taste the bitter acid and the pile of flowers at the back of his mouth. 

He blinked a few times, hoping that it will make his vision to find its focus. His sight is blurry; either caused by his tears or from dizziness due to too much vomiting. The taste of his tongue is sharp, caused by the acid of his stomach that spill out from his throat together with the petals. He kept of swallowing it, but his throat kept on flowing the acid back. The push and pull event inside his mouth can almost leave some bruise and damage to his teeth and gums. 

It is just another unfortunate event before he can even start his day; maybe due to his overthinking last night of how excited he was. Every second he vomits the petals makes him more sick and weak. The disease is taking too much toll to his body; chest and abdominal pain, dry mouth, high fever, and weight lost.

His life is all about disease and flowers; how it makes him suffer from both physical and emotional pain. Flowers makes him sick, but it is neither about those allergies, itchy skin or runny nose sickness; it is the thorns and petals that gives him intolerable pain, choking, and bleeding lungs. Even the changes in the colour of the petals means something; reflecting what is his hidden emotions from within. The darker the colour is, the stronger the love he feels and a higher intensity of pain for his physical body. Everything start to white, it is the very first colour of the petal he had. It means secret and true love, marking the prologue of his sweetest and darkest love story that he will ever have.

After some minutes, Renjun managed to lift himself up and drag his feet to go back to his bed while making sure he won’t bump to anything as his vision is still blurry. The first thing he grab is his phone, texting Jeno that he would be late for their meet-up at the café.


	2. the first petal that fell

Chapter 1: the first petal that fell

 

The hallways were crowded, a constant scenery for a student’s life. It is a chaotic, as the monotone shouts and whispers are filling up the calmness that the warm afternoon air gives. Every rooms have different noise, playing like an orchestra with full of fuss and deadbeat musicians.

Renjun runs, flowing to the river of people; never stopping, swirling around them like they are the obstacle to his goal. Lunch break. The time where most of the students prefer to either stay in classrooms or in courtyard. But for him, the garden behind the school building was his safe haven. A perfect place to conceal his own petals, hiding, covering with the true blossoming flowers.

The stone path of the garden was almost covered by grass and moss; the green color is turning yellow as the sunlight heat streaming on it. There are a lot of neglected fruit trees, from apple to mango. The flower beds with tangled thorns are next to the huge stones and disheveled lawns. He sat on the stone bench and let the bulk of white petals and vomit spilled out of his mouth.

White. He’s been on the first stage of hanahaki for almost a year, supporting himself with the medicines that was prescribed. White means pure and gentle; reflecting how his feelings for Jeno are still mild and innocence. The first flower he vomited was a gardenia which means secret love. A hidden affection he felt towards the boy who was seating next to him in his classes. The next flower was daisy, a moon pennies that are well-known for its message of true and loyal love. And of course, white means new beginnings. The eye-smile of the younger boy that carved his deepest wounds, gave life to his first bud of flower inside his lungs.

The first stage of hanahaki disease was the vomiting of white flower and medicine can somehow prevent its body pain, tolls, and side effects as the patient’s body won’t survive the sudden blossoming of the flowers for the first stage. Medicines are usually effective to him, drinking those tablets is part of his morning routine. It helps him to control his lungs for those sudden explosion of petals. It is just today, his fate tried to give some twist to his dull, monotonous life. Something similar to a game where the other player tried to pull out some dirty trick, hitting his weakest spot.

It’s strange, as Jeno approached him in time between their classes, more frequent than he usually does. Talking about random things, from the unjust homework to the latest hearsay that pass down to every student while trying to hide behind the old wooden walls of the classrooms. For Renjun, these moments are test, a challenge for his capacity. An assessment for his limit of how long he can hold his petals; covering it with the taste of sweet candies that he chewed as the clock ticks its seconds and minutes.

“Here.”

There is a voice coming from his behind, it’s Donghyuck; who’s stretching his arm, giving a bottle of water to Renjun. “Have you drink your medicine? You’re vomiting petals again.”

It is his usual worried tone, concerned but oblivious at the same time. He’s one of those rare type of friend, a secret keeper. A friend who is willing to hide and conceal all of the secret and weakness of Renjun. He’s a kid that who only prefer to listen and don’t have guts to ask, as if being curious is a sin, a disrespectful manner.

“I… I forgot.” He lied, gulping the water he received from the younger boy, soothing his itchy throat.

It is better to utter a two-words lie than narrate and explain the whole truth. For him, it is better to keep Donghyuck under the shadows, hiding from the painful light of truth that love is not all about those butterflies and stars. As for other people, the unfortunate one, love also means curse flowers, roots, and thorns that blossoming in their soul. His friend is guiltless; telling him all of these truths also means he will know that his late father didn’t just died from a uncurable disease, but indeed it is because of loving someone else. It will tarnish his idea of true love, soulmates, and family.

Renjun wiped his mouth, making his saliva and the acidic residue to form and adhere to his uniform sleeve. Unconscious that it will stain and leave a metallic smell. “Eww, stop that. Get some wipes.” Donghyuck whined, flinched to what he seen. Renjun laughed, finally calm after the mess he experienced. It is his own storm that comes and go. “You followed me here so savour the view of my mess.”

They both laugh, decided that it is better to stay in the garden for a while, wasting every minute of their free time.

\---

The sound of the warning bell echoed to every corner of the school. It wakes up the two boys who were daydreaming, resting in the secluded garden, as if the bell was tinkled right into their ears.

They ran, scorched down the muddy garden path. Quickened their pace as if the tempo of the clock hands speeds up; making them feel that the formerly short and crowded hallways are now isolated and will end hundreds of meters away. The salty droplets start to fell in their faces, drenched their uniforms, leaving map of perspiration. As they walk through the door, they gasp all the air that they can breathe, making their chests rise and fall in aggressive manner. Both of them rush to their respective assigned seats, settling themselves as the proctor’s presence is still nowhere to be seen.

\---

The lessons are as usual, hard, complicated to understand for the given short time. Renjun is struggling, so much, between whether he will focus on listening or jotting down the lecture notes. Maybe the other, his classmates, manage to do both except him. Not now; his body loves to suffer, having some aftermath pain as if his battle a while ago was not enough. It is neither another pile of petals nor suffocation; his stomach keeps on swirling, waving, as it feels like his stomach was slowly digesting itself little by little. He remembers now that he and Donghyuck starve themselves during the lunch break. They stayed for too long in the garden, wasted their free time for him being sick and his friend for comforting him.

Renjun swallowed back a pool of saliva. Fighting the involuntary shakes of his wobbly body, feeling light-headed and empty. His stomach snarled like how a little puppy whimpers in a subtle undertone of pain. He breathes deeply, thinking if his candies are enough to satisfy the hunger and nausea he currently feels, even though he already eaten a lot of it since this morning. The sugar already overkilled his taste buds, leaving the sour aftertaste behind.

“Hey” someone said, tapping Renjun’s shoulder in hope to get his attention.

He whirled around when he noticed that their teacher was now too busy writing some words on the board. He’s trying to shift half of his body to see the person behind him; knowing exactly who it may be. The younger boy who he silently curses and love at the same time.

“Take this,” Jeno says, lifted his one arm that’s holding two cereal bars, leaning forward, resting his chin on his palm, closing the distance between him and Renjun. “Did you hear it?” Renjun whisper, cheeks turned crimson from shyness.

Jeno snickered, gently moving his head from one side to another, “Just take these,” shaking his hand, waving the cereal bars that he’s holding.

Renjun crinkled his nose, whisper a soft ‘thank you’ while grabbing the snacks and trying his best to avoid any contact, like his skin touching the other might make his nausea worse.

He turned around facing the board again, acting as if nothing happened. His whole face lit up. Silently opened the pack and take a bite; being careful that he won’t create any sound and making sure that no one can spot him eating while in class. He’s too grateful and delighted so he doesn’t even care that he’s eating a dark chocolate-flavoured nutty cereal bar. Renjun doesn’t like any bitter food, but he can disregard the taste of it at that moment.

There must be something with his hunger, it might really have left him soul-empty as his mind are clouded by those sparks of affection. Other than the food, he is thankful as the throes of his hanahaki didn’t even blossom even though his heart is currently skipping from so much glee for their short interaction.

\---

It is weekend in the middle of September, but Renjun and Donghyuck are currently stress to their mountain of unfinished homeworks.

The books and notes are scattered everywhere, from the cold carpeted floor to the small single bed. Cold and darkness can be felt inside the room as everything is in monochrome; making black as the dominant color and white balancing the mood. The view of the night sky freckled with stars from the skylight makes the ambience peacefully surreal. The room seems spacious even though there’s a television, game consoles, bookshelf, and half-finished canvas leaning on the wall. There are paintings on the walls covered by fabrics, concealing its beauty from the world. The air still carries the scent of paints even though Renjun stopped creating his masterpieces since he got hanahaki disease.

“I can’t wait for the winter break.” Donghyuck mumble, he’s just like any other people who dislike autumn season, hating it even though it just got started.

“Shut up. You’re just lazy, don’t even blame the season for it.” Renjun hissed, kicked Donghyuck away from him as both of them are slumping in his cold bedroom floor while holding their textbooks. The autumn breeze makes his friend lazier than usual as if he’s starting to feel more tired and makes him want to rest more. Renjun still remember what are the exact words that Donghyuck answered to him when he asked why he even hatred a season. “I hate autumn and I can even make an essay to express it. There is nothing good on it; the weather keeps on shifting from hot to cold to rain and those leaves everywhere are literally falling and dying.” He really hates it, which makes Renjun laugh sometimes how childish it is; because for him, autumn is his favorite season.

He loves how the hour goes quickly as if it is chasing the winter fast and leaving the hot summer behind. He likes how the breeze carries the rich scent of earth which makes it soft, crisp, calming. The scenery of places being covered by the beautiful red and orange leaves like a carpet, making him crave to walk on it, listen to the crunch sounds beneath his feet as if it is playing a background music for him as he strolls down the streets. Even how the leaves are changing its color from green into gold, how it falls down from the trees dancing and swaying in the air, leaving the trees as if some kind of lifeless skeleton in the middle of city.

After some idle minutes of him, he focused himself again to his homeworks. Worried sick if they can finish all of it tonight now that Donghyuck is half-asleep half-procrastinating.

\---

It’s eight in the evening and the sky was shade darker than the hours before. The loud daytime noise of the streets was completely toned down replaced by the crickets and hushed voices from strangers.

The two boys decided to walk the alleyway as it is the shortest way to the convenience store. Both of them are not in a mood to cook dinner, so they decided to just have some meals outside; Renjun’s parents are on vacation that’s why they are alone in that house.

There is always a misery feeling in the narrow passageway, the road is compressed in between of the stone walls. The pavement have some cracks and most of the walls are graffitied. The constricted street feels much tighter for Renjun as his friend were clutching in his arm, frightened as the darkness overcast the surrounding. Some street lights are not even sourcing light, leaving the street colder than before.

One particular street light is flickering, which makes them halt from walking. Whenever the street light turned its light, it cast a shadow of a man who’s squatting on the sidewalk. The air turned thicker, temperature dropped degree lower, and the darkness became more eerie. Donghyuck whimpered, shaking Renjun’s arm as his way of saying that they should just turn around. They hold their breath as they heard a muffled, indistinct noise coming from it.

“L-let’s take the—” Renjun said, sounding as unconcerned as possible even though the color was already drained out of his face. His other hand squeezed the arms of Donghyuck who already gasping him painfully. As he shifted from one foot to another, preparing to turn around, the person who owned the shadow speak, “Someone’s there?” he said.

Due to the uncanny feeling that built up and Donghyuck being terrified, he screamed in his high-pitched voice; making Renjun jumped to his feet and clenched his fists.

“H-hey I won’t harm you.” The voice said, panic may trace to him, being cautious as he might be understood into something.

Donghyuck stop, freeze in a position where he’s ready to run as fast as he could. The voice is familiar to him, sure that he heard it somewhere else but his mind ain’t functioning well. Meanwhile Renjun, his heart start to beat louder, faster, chasing the rhythm of the music he heard. It’s Jeno. He’s definitely sure about it.

After a minute or two, the two scared boys finally found the break for the jinx as their mind fully processed the situation. Renjun eventually analyze the events, finally decided to use his phone to light up their path.

“What the hell are you even doing there, Lee Jeno?!” Donghyuck shouted, slapped a hand to Jeno’s arm that is currently hugging a cat. Jeno’s wearing a knee-ripped jeans and white sweater, pairing it with a flip-flops; a broken one.

“I need to buy foods for bongsik-ie real quick so I decided to just wear flip-flops, but its sole and straps separated; coincidently that I need to stop right under that lamppost.” Pointing to the broken street light after he spoke and showed his right slipper that is hopelessly ruined. “I’m squatting because I need to put bongsik-ie down while I’m trying to fix my flip-flop, then I heard your voices.”

His eye-smile was a little bit off, unsure, shy because someone saw him with a broken slippers; but for the older boy, his smile still lights the alleyway better than the lampposts around.

“Hyuck and I are actually on our way to the convenience store and…” Renjun looked to Donghyuck, lifted both of his eyebrows, asking for his permission in a non-verbal way, “If you want, we can somehow fixed that temporarily so you can still have it until you can go home. I can carry bongsik-ie for you later.”

Jeno’s eyes blinked, glistened, a mirror of how truly thankful he is.

\---

The seconds last longer and the hours slipped faster on their hands. It’s been two hours and the three boys are still laughing heartily from their idle talks and witty retaliates.

Jeno already fixed his slipper, consuming two packs of shoe glue as he failed to repair it at his first try. His phone vibrates, notifying him about his mother’s text messages of ‘where are you’ and ‘don’t stay outside till midnight’.

Renjun tilted his head, gave a gloomy laugh, announcing that maybe it’s their sign of times-up and goodbyes.

Bongsik meow as he rubs his face to Renjun’s arm; the cat’s bunting antic tickles Renjun at first but get used to it later on. He scratched the ears of Bongsik one last time before he passed the lovely feline back to its owner as they bid goodbyes. Donghyuck and Renjun decided to stay for a minute, watch how Jeno’s figure was swallowed by the darkness of the alleyway that they walked down previously.

The older boy leaned his back against the mirror wall of the store, swallowing the sweet taste of the hours of his life being with Jeno. He’s totally engross by his overflowing thoughts and indecipherable emotions that he didn’t notice how Donghyuck stretched out his legs and blew out his cheeks from the distress on how they will somehow clean up the mess they made. The table is chaotic as the wooden sticks from the fish cake are all standing vertically inside the empty banana milk bottle, there are spilled tteokbokki on the table as bongsik knock over the cup of it a while ago, and the plastic wrappers of their snacks and the shoe glue that Jeno used are just scattered in unpleasant manner.

Renjun felt the strong smacked on his forehead that wakes up his senses, finally hear how loud Donghyuck’s voice is, ranting about how his friend was not even helping to clean-up their litters.

\---

“Why do I feel like I am with a drunk friend and I need to walk him home safe?” Donghyuck mischievously said while giving the water bottle to Renjun; trying to comfort his friend with his playful antics. Renjun response something unintelligible, either because he was too flustered or he just gulps the water too soon after he spoke.

It all started half an hour ago. Renjun feels something weird, his stomach keeps on lurching merely leaving some bruise inside him. His blood runs through him is unbearably warm but his body secrete cold sweat. He feels like floating, numb as he rested a hand to the tree trunk and the other was clutched to his friend’s arm.

“Are you okay?” he shakes his head to gesture he is not. His chest contracted, tightening more as every second past.

Fortunately, they just passed by the children’s playground. Donghyuck hold him, helped him walked to the nearest stone bench. He makes himself comfortable to the cold seat one way or another. He kept of swallowing the pool of bitter liquid, but his throat kept on flowing the acid back. The push and pull event inside his mouth can almost leave some bruise and damage to his teeth and gums.

The twisting manner of his stomach is like how a river flows swiftly, eddying as it creates mini vortexes. His lungs are like a garden, full of beautiful flowers that is somehow cursed as its petals are discarded slowly, creating a garden of misery.

Everything is throbbing, everything is intolerable.

He spilled the fool, disgusting stomach acid together with his petals, splattering every bits of it to the tree and shrubs in front of him. Even the foods he eaten a while ago were propelled into the air, mixing to the white petals from his lungs.

The younger boy keeps on patting his back, nose crinkled as the sour scent starts to linger.

Renjun’s face is pale, fading its natural glow. Eyes sunken, flooded with tears that may ran down his cheeks any second. He can still taste the bitter taste and the pile of flowers at the back of his mouth. If only he’s inside his room and alone, he probably already stuck his fingers down his throat just to remove the blockage that he felt. He inhaled all the air he could breath and exhaled heavily, coughing to prevent himself from choking. He’s trying to use all the breathing exercises he can think at that moment, calming himself that everything will be fine.

Right after he finally calms down, Donghyuck excuses himself to buy water and sweet foods to ease the aftermath body toll that hanahaki consumes in his friend’s body.

Even though Renjun managed to vomit all of the petals that his body produced, even the food he intake and his stomach acid are now all cold on the shrubs in front of him, his body is still keeps on shaking. Miserable and aching and lonely. He sobs as he felt that his heart feels so empty, maybe beating irregularly faster than it was before but there is now a hollow space inside of it.

He didn’t stop from crying, letting every drops of the salty liquid flow to his cheeks, sobbing harder every seconds as he felt more emptiness inside him; how ironic that his lungs are already stuffed with the flowers’ buds and petals.

After he fully-recover and finished the water that Donghyuck gave to him, they decided to stay on the playground just to hang out a little as both of them feel so tired.

The air is chilly and the cold wind hit Renjun’s face as he swung gently back and forth, makes the chains made a squeaking sound. The chains are imprinted to his palms and fingers as he holds on it tight, even the rusty smell of it can be trace to his scent. He looked to his friend, who is also seating on the swing, not even moving it even an inch.

“Hey…” Renjun whispered, breaking their silence. Donghyuck caught off guard to the voice that randomly pops out, interrupting his daydream, nearly shrieks as a response.

Renjun hesitates for a moment whether he should really ask the question he wants to say. He does it anyway, “I want to ask something…” he mumble, “about my disease. I don’t know, maybe your opinion about it. Or why you still see me as your friend after you witnessed all my mess?” he bitterly laughs, masking his trembling voice and deafening heartbeats.

He doesn’t know what makes him to ask the question. Maybe the aftermath of his weak state a while ago, or maybe just because his anxiety is knocking too loud inside of his head asking for some comfort and assurance for everything.

“You are sick, Injun, but more than that, you are still my friend. It is not even a contagious disease so why would I need to start running away from you?”

“Aren’t you find it disgusting, shameful, obnoxious that I need to experience all of these pains just because I… I love someone so much that it starts to demand some toll to my body.”

“If I feel disgusted towards you then it also means I am ashamed about my dad too.”

The autumn breeze tousled their hair, gently caressing, giving comfort as they feel the heavy weigh that they are silently holding inside them for a long time. Leaves rained down, the crunched sound filling their silence. The red and orange leaves giving warm to the cold ambiance of the deserted park.

“I am not asking you to explain everything to me, or to even share whoever the person you love so much. Maybe not now. I just want to comfort you, make you feel that you are not alone. Don’t make me suffer all over again to the dreadful thoughts that someone in front of me is struggling to his hanahaki and I can’t do anything to help him. I am a coward who can’t even get myself to search or ask about hanahaki disease because I am too afraid for what will I know. I don’t have any idea on how that thing gets worst or what triggers it or what makes you vomit those petals on ungodly time of the day, but all I care is that you won’t feel alone while lost inside a labyrinth.”

And somehow, Renjun felt that finally, there is something that can support him, accept him. He sobs, that it even stifled him as he tried to hide it. The pain still burned under his skin, making his wound open than ever, acknowledging how really deep his emptiness was. Accepting his weakness is like a one-step closer to washed away all his fears and agony. He smiled to Donghyuck as a response, a real and bright smile.

“Are you okay now? Remember we still have a lot of homeworks to do.” Donghyuck stand in front of him, stopped the swing from moving and gently patted Renjun’s head.

\---

The sunlight is still glowing but unusually pale, the time allotted for autumn is almost in its borderline after all. The leaves are now fully turned into gold, amber and scarlet. The trees are totally empty, lost all of its leaves and waiting for the snow to replace it. The vibrant colors of fall are picture perfect, a beautiful scenery that should always be remember. But somehow, it becomes an omen for another battle. A darker world. He couldn’t imagine that a time will come, he will hate to see the warm colors.

Every hour of the day is still chasing the winter, pulling its seconds and minutes faster, making the wind colder than ever; however, the season still hasn’t reach the end. It still can serve him some terrible news and miserable memories. He could never tell that the placid day will suffer from a storm later on.

One thing is for sure, his heart is still beating yet it acts like a traitorous friend, as it increases its rhythm more than it can bare. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to finish the chapter 2 next week so the update for will be weekly, but for now, I hope you will love the first chapter of this fic. ^^
> 
> Again, cross-posted to my AFF and please don't mind my grammatical error and stuffs hahaha.


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